journal entry #1

i will now start keeping a journal to try to remember and keep sane the date is. 8/30/2013  

i sit in my room knowing every one around me hates me thinking how if any of them had the chance they will kill me i lock my door when i sleep they think it's about privacy or they want me to think that if they find out i know what their planning it will be the end and i wont mind when it happens i hope they do it soon before i lose the control of the body i have it's something i didn't even know about until recently but a few weeks ago i didn't sleep for roughly 79 hours he never spoke to me as clearly as on that day but he told me when i least expect it he will take the body and his personality will be the one in power i fear for my life and the life of the ones around me no matter what they're planning i don't want myself to do anything to hurt them i will fight it and if all else fails i will take my own life i would rather darkness forever then to lose myself to him no to it i will not allow it to be thought of as another human and of course i haven't told anyone how could i i just brought up the subject and it was thought of as crazy i looked it up online they have names like multiple personality syndrome but they don't mention all of what i see and feel yes feel he has touched my hand and my shoulder ill never forget the feeling ice cold i thought my hand would fall off only a second passed but i felt like i was there with it for hours stuck in uncomfortable eye contact with what i saw as myself but i wasn't scared just thinking to myself will he over power me or will i to him we just sat and sat his words were cryptic but unmistakable "i am you so why are you" i tried to move my hand away but he gripped tight just repeating it over and over again "i am you so why are you" the tv dead silent not even moving i start to get scared thinking today was the day i shout screaming till im horse no one came to see what was wrong i squeeze my eyes shut as hard as i can then i heard only static when i open my eyes he was gone the tv was on everything was exactly as it was before i don't know if im crazy or if he was really there all i do know is i trust my eyes i trust what i felt that day it couldn't have been all in my head i just couldn't imagine such a thing i even try not to think about it just afraid that it will be back and try be me just like it said.